It’s playoff time in minor hockey and you know what that means: fast-paced excitement, last-minute drama and a whole bunch of parents taking things about 8,000 percent too seriously.
Are you one of them? Do you give 20-minute lectures about forechecking to kids who still wave to you from the ice? Do you have a tendency to hurl verbal abuse at children and referees despite technically qualifying as a “grown-up adult person”?
If so, perhaps it’s worth taking the time to imagine: What if your kid spoke to you about work the way you speak to your kid about hockey?
1. The Morning Commute
Kid: So, you excited?
Dad: Yep.
Kid: Just get in there today and have fun, OK?
Dad: OK.
Kid: And make sure you collate those documents just like I showed you. Really organize ’em, OK? Numerical order. Neat stacks. And then—boom!—that’s when you staple ’em. Just like we practised for three hours last night.
Dad: Mmm hmm.
Kid: I got you something. [Hands over a “Successories” motivational poster.] Put it up in your workstation, OK? That lion is you. GRRRRR—big scary lion! And that toner cartridge, it’s the gazelle. LION GETS GAZELLE EVERY TIME.
Dad: [Nods.]
Kid: Hey, are you even listening? I’m not taking you to the office five times a week to watch you float around the cubicle. And I sure as heck didn’t buy you that $200 briefcase because it looks pretty: YOU GOTTA KEEP ONE HAND ON IT! Now, let’s drill down and talk about best practices as it pertains to your quarterly revenue goals...
Dad nods and turns up the radio.2. The Workday
Kid: Work! HARDER!! Let’s go. Let’s action some deliverables! Multi-task! MULTI-TASK! Hustle in there and use your thought leadership!
During a meeting, a rival worker compliments his superior’s tie...Kid: Come on, boss! ARE YOU BLIND? That was brown-nosing! You gotta call him on that! Get a pair of glasses, boss—YOU SUCK. You’re a disgrace! You hear me, boss? You’re a disgrace to capitalism!
Around noon...Kid: You call this a working lunch?! Dad, you’re barely moving the needle on client-facing strategies! You need to empower your deliverables. Effort a solution. EFFORT IT!!
In the afternoon, Dad is disciplined for taking someone else’s yogurt from the office fridge...Kid: That’s a terrible call. TERRIBLE! You can barely see the name “Denise” written on the lid!
3. The Ride Home
Kid: I don’t understand you. You call that shifting a paradigm? You barely touched that paradigm! I saw you out there—five minutes still to go in the workday and you’re watching panda videos on your laptop. You’re never going to get us a promotion with a work ethic like that.
Dad stares out the window.Kid: Listen, I’m sorry I yelled at you in front of all the other office workers but I am SO tired of watching you think inside the box. I guess I got a little carried away. I probably overreacted when I shorted your company’s stock.
Dad puts in ear buds and starts texting.Kid: What do you say we focus on tomorrow, champ? When we get home, let’s go downstairs and practise new action steps to grow your business strategies organically.
